Last week we moved my mother-in-law out of her storage unit and into the new granny flat in our backyard. I'm hoping it's her forever home, after many years as a property manager having to move with every job change. I'm hoping it's a place of safety, security, freedom, and love.
It was the realization of a childhood dream.
When I was maybe 8, I overheard a conversation my mom took from her brother in Taiwan. He was requesting $2000 to pay for their father's surgery. Between his being the only son and her being in America, he was thinking they were the ones who were financially in a position to help. My mom said she needed to ask my dad, and without hesitation, he said, "yes."
She was surprised, and asked him, "Really? Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"When can we get it together..."
"It's available now."
"What? How?"
My dad proceeded to explain he's always known this day was coming since he got married. It's obvious that people get old and need more medical services. It's obvious those cost money. It's obvious we are going to take care of our parents. "So I've been setting aside money in preparation for this very day to be in a position to say "yes" to this very request."
MIND BLOWN. My dad was a HERO. He's our family's hero. His planning ahead, his wisdom... it all culminated in this mic drop. In my child brain that night, I decided I wanted to be that hero myself one day. Moving my mother-in-law into that house was my mic drop moment. It's my Asian child filial piety flex.
Have you heard What Else Can I Do from the musical Encanto? Since that day, that's what goes through my head now. Guess who's next? My father-in-law's mortgage... or whatever else we can tackle to relieve an octagenarian of stress.
Creating the space to think is a new discipline I'd like to cultivate. Free time and time freedom are my core motivations. This means having nowhere to be, nothing to do, and no one to see. Not even on the horizon. Growing up I have felt the pressure to perform, to be perfect, to "know it already," and to have a good answer for "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Which implies I know where I'm headed and I'm taking actions to move myself there. I have always enjoyed lazing about, reading a book for fun. In my fourth decade of life, I am finally able to do those things, if I plan my schedule for them.
But what would it be like to just have time freedom? When I tell people about this dream, many people respond with, "That's if you're lucky enough to retire, and to get there, everybody has to work." So I think back to my truly free moments in childhood and realize... SOMEONE had to work, and it wasn't me when I was a kid. What would it have looked like if my parents didn't HAVE to work? What if every day was a vacation day, nowhere to be, nothing to do? Freedom.
Of course we may get anxious or ambitious and fill that time with something, maybe even something productive or revenue-generating. But then it would be a drive from something inside of ourselves, not being compelled by a need to survive. Most of us dare not go there in our minds... speculating on pipe dreams. It hurts too much to know how impossible or far away our deepest desires are from our current state.
I propose a challenge to the resignation and cynicism. I propose a place, currently non-existent (to my knowledge), where a person can go to receive free housing, free food, free 24/7 quality childcare, and free logistics like transportation to and from medical appointments or school. I'm calling it We Got You Fam!, a Free Family Facility... a working title for now. I believe beautiful things come out of entire families having their basic needs met. Now that my immediate family is taken care of, I'm turning my attention to the larger family - my human family.
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